SO there I was, hating my dataone connection for its recent spate of bad service and low bandwidth and thinking of changing the connection. The only real alternative here in India (apart from local dsl providers – cut cable no internets!) is Airtel broadband. Now I wasn’t looking for a Rs. 300 internet connection to check my emails or some other shit like that. I am looking for a high bandwidth connection from a company that provides good customer service.

I check the Airtel broadband page and I see  everything I need: Good speed (2 mbps), good price (Rs. 1600/- per month) and a promise to be good for streaming with a 24x7x365 customer support service. Ok! Great!! Where do I sign?

Then, just to make sure I got all the details right, I check their terms of service – check, their usage agreement – check, their FAQ – damn!!.

Apparently, Airtel broadband does not have linux or mac support or even Windoze XP 64 bit support. So, essentially, to use Airtel Broadband, I have to have a vista (Blech!) computer or some other variation of a winsnore PC!

WTF, Airtel?? In this day and age, when even the government run BSNL dataone service has support for us non-drone users, you cannot find a DSL modem that works with non windows computers?? Do you want me to send you a list of DSL modems that do and help you lay the lines as well?? In an ever increasing non-windows world, you want to limit yourself to “reboot computer” users?

Shame on you!

So anyways, as I did a little bit of travelling again (Seoul), I realized that for some reason, nature and the energies around me always gang up against me to make sure I have a horrendous ride (The Bastards!!). Why do I cast such negative aspersions against such a beautiful thing such as nature you ask me? (What are you, a tree lover?? Freak!)

It all started with the immigration officer adding himself to the list of fools, ignoramuses and mutant orangutans who think that just because their family decided to tag a name behind theirs to give them a heave-ho, everyone else needs it too. The guy just didn’t believe I don’t have a second name/ initial/ final or any other form of appendage attached to my name. One word name, is that so hard to believe?? Dumbass!!

Then, I am given a seat right next to the “nice old couple” who are travelling to Shingapur to see their son who is in software (Yes he is possibly a function/ statement or even a dynamic variable) and this is the first time they have ever flown. Isn’t that nice? (not!) This placement of this poor soul (me) also created the opportunity for another role for me to play – that of general comforter for everytime we would go through a airpocket, both the old people would jump, exclaim in telugu while holding each others hand and look around at which time my job was to look at them with kindness in my eyes and tell them everything is going to be ok and get a strange look from the old man! Ingratitude, I tell you. The old people these days!!

I also get the aisle seat so that I have a close encounter with the baby kind! Why does every trip of mine have to have a baby vocipherate its displeasure at being brought into this world at the top of its ratty little voice right in my ear??

Children should be banned from public places that have no place for someone to run away to.

Then, I see that there is a seat free up in front and get ready to move only to have the old punjabi aunty decide to use all three of the damn seats to make a bed and sleep with a warning to the airhostess to only wake her up in case they are serving food, alcohol or snacks. Ha!! The same punjabi aunty later went on to show me that Russel Peters was right. You can never take Punjab out of an NRI. The lady had never been to <indian_accent>Panjabuh</indian_accent> and of course she doesn’t have a canadian accent (wow!). She thinks <indian_accent>Chandigadh</indian_accent> is nice and <indian_accent>Jalandhar</indian_accent> is so old fashioned and she tells me all this while we wait for the next flight and I am trying to get the sleep I never got on the flight.

To top it all off, the absolute b@$t@&* who is seated next to me on the second leg of the flight decides that his snoring should drown out everything including the sound of the airplane engine and the tv when I have my head phones on!

As you can see, whoever said that “the journey is better than the destination” is an a$$ and should be “shot where the sun don’t shine”.

…

Repeatedly! …

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Till you don’t have any bullets left! …

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What the hell are u still scrolling for?? Loser!

What really irks me about the traffic in this city can basically be boiled down to two simple points:

1. Idiots talking on their cell-phone while driving/ riding.
2. Idiots who do not know the usage of the high beam and constantly try to die and kill at the same time by driving without any discipline and in high speed while talking on their cell phones

But this would not be any different that any other blog’s rant on the same subject if I didn’t add some violence and brutal methods to subvert these practices now, would I?

Well, here it goes: For the idiots talking on their cell-phones, the answer is quite simple – Get traffic policemen to carry packets of hands-free devices (the simple ear piece) for most popular models of cell phones and as and when the idiot is caught, the policeman/ police woman not only charges them for violation of the law, but also forces the idiot to buy an earpiece for twice the normal amount. As a way to ensure that this method works, the policeman gets to keep 75% of the money involved (god knows most of them are underpaid) with every charge as personal income and the idiot gets a receipt for the purchased item (of course).

For the second annoyance, I personally am contemplating carrying a sling or a “swingable” chain that I can swing and cause damage to the offending vehicle.

Any other ideas that anyone reading this blog might have, are of course more than welcome in the comments

The same goes for messages … I mean, come on. How hard is it to type a damn message? They even have the cute word replacement text and emoticons! ! Seriously, is it that hard to reply to someone when they reply to your every call and message??

I for one am going to instill my three chance wack rule on this as well!

“Propaganda does not deceive people; it merely helps them to deceive themselves.” – Eric Hoffer.

“We are never deceived; we deceive ourselves.” – Goethe.

Why is it that the only casualities in a fight against oppression or for rights or values, the people who are killed are people are not the ones who were the cause of this disparity or oppression? Does the rebellious mass think that killing innocent people will reduce the voting populace and thereby reduce the chances of their opposers to get back in power? Does killing these innocent people – children who haven’t even learnt to think yet, animals who don’t know what is going on, old people who can barely fend for themselves; does killing these people help change the circumstances which caused this anger?

WHAT DO YOU GET OUT OF KILLING INNOCENCE EXCEPT MORE VIOLENCE?

More disgruntled humans out for revenge. Another sect, another group, another war!
If there is to ever be change, the change has to be from within. Change the circumstances by changing your attitudes towards malice and wrong. Do not be mute spectators and shrug shoulders when those shoulders can be used to drive forward change.

There is no “US” in this fight for change. There is only an I.
I will drive the change
I will hold out
I will be steadfast
I will be all
I will, I can, I am.
I am change. I am reality. I am me.

I’m gonna break
I’m gonna break my
I’m gonna break my rusty cage and run
- Rusty cage: Soundgarden (BadMotorFinger- 1991)