It is incredible how we deceive ourselves. Associating feelings and emotions with conditions, surroundings and thoughts in such a way as to condition our reactions to them. When things don’t happen the way they should, we scurry back into our secret place. For example: the above thought always brings the lyrics to Megadeth’s “A Secret Place” in my mind …
After numerous falls, one tends to retreat and think that this is not for me. I get numb to the pain, numb to the agony and numb to everything so much so that I forget that although the pain is not what I wanted, the pain is what I need. The ecstacy – the joy before the fall, is what I was looking for and the fall was just something that happened. Retreating into that secret place is ok, but residing there is not.
Its time to move along, soar to the heights that I was meant to reach, touch the zenith of my abilities and seek only the joy, seek only the freedom, seek only the independence.
The sense of fulfillment will come but only if I keep trying. The agony and pain are but reminders of faltering steps and not barriers that can keep me caged. This is a personal post, but so are all the others 
this is special because this makes me understand what I did wrong and what I am doing right.
Don’t fear the fall if you seek to fly. Don’t fear the wrong if you want it right. Do what brings you joy, but first comprehend what joy is.
One of the best lyricists in metal music – Dave mustaine
A Secret Place
“There’s a secret place I like to go
Everyone is there but their face don’t show
If you get inside you can’t get out
There’s no coming back, I hear them shout
Welcome to my hide away, my secret place
How I arrived I can’t explain
You’re welcome to, if you want to stay
But everyone just runs away”
A tout le monde
“À tout le monde [To everybody]
À tout mes amis [To all my friends]
Je vous aime [I love you]
Je dois partir [I have to leave]
These are the last words
I’ll ever speak
And they’ll set me free”